How to REALLY forgive...
A close friend shared about a time in her life where she was having to work very hard to try to forgive two people who had wronged her greatly. She was trying hard . . . and failing. She did all the right things. She had told them she forgave them. She declared her forgiveness over them on a daily basis in prayer. Still, every time Satan wanted to get her upset and her stomach tied in knots, he would remind her of those two people and what they had done and ALL of those old feelings of bitterness and resentment would well up in her heart again. This continued for a long time until she was convicted by this verse in Jesus’ "Sermon on the Mount".
“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you!” ~ Matthew 5:44
Like so many verses in the Bible, we often hold this in the abstract realm and think of enemies only as people “out there” somewhere that we in our everyday life never encounter or can avoid. Most of us are not in the armed forces where the battle lines are drawn and rules of engagement established.
On the other hand, many of us do have certain people invade our mind when the word “enemy” is read or heard but don’t feel compelled to actively pursue peace with them. That’s what love does by the way - it pursues peace and reconciliation when the opposite is reality.
How do we know who these “enemies" are? They are the ones that cause your blood pressure to rise when they appear or when their name is mentioned. When a demon speaks their name in the dark of night, it keeps you awake no matter how much you try to pray and “give it to God.” In that way, even if what they’ve done is long ago settled, there is still a form of “persecution” going on. Often, we would feel it is wrong to consider these people our “enemy”. Regardless, go ahead and treat them as one - like Jesus would - and love them and pray for them.
Love them by praying blessings over them. Don’t just speak forgiveness, but think of all the ways God would want to bless them and draw them closer to Him. Speak those blessings out loud. Be specific. God does an amazing work in your heart when you do this. He helps you see life from their perspective. He opens your mind to their worries, their despair, their fears and dreams. Sometimes, it even helps you understand more why they wronged you. Each time you bless them, you remove more of the burdensome curse of bitterness or unforgiveness that weighs you down.
There is something significant that happens in the spiritual realm as well. The Enemy of our soul despises prayer. He especially hates when God’s people pray blessings over others. Those prayers are powerful and effective! Satan’s hoards love to remind us of our wounds, but if our consistent and persistent reaction is to start praying blessings over those who have wounded us, those dark forces will stop reminding us!
This is what finally helped my friend find closure in her work of forgiveness. It has helped me too. Love those who have wronged you and pray for them. Jesus says in the next verse and this is how we show we belong in God’s family! Why? When we do this, we act like our Daddy!